17 apr. 2013

happiness = ???

After many years of mental analysis and consideration I have come to the conclusion that you die the way you're born: naked and alone. Hopefully, and happy.
You take the first steps in life surrounded by a family that apparently loves you. Later, you discover that the ties and bonds get weaker and weaker until they disappear completely. You no longer care about them, nor they about you. Your relationship reduces to the point where you only talk once or twice a year. You don't need them anymore, you're strong and independent, you have a family of your own and you try your best to not break this one too.
You have best friends. You love them more than everything. You live under the impression that this kind of relationship lasts longer than "the young and the restless". Let me tell you something:" Time passes by like lightning - before you know it you're struck down". Remember my last post about perfectly happy people who grow apart in a second. No matter how much you wish to stay the same, no one can stop change. People DO grow apart, and the saddest thing of all is that they don't even realize it's happening. The illusion that this is just in your head, is well... just an illusion. Demons are real.sometimes they walk around disguised, concealing their true identity, but they're still right there, wherever you go.
The love of your life, again, might leave you for another. You wake up one morning next to someone who's been there all these years, yet you feel lonely as hell. Asking yourself what you've done wrong, won't help. And just like that, the promises you made that your family will stick together this time, get broken as well.

And now, the most important people in your life are gone in the blink of an eye. What to do? Did they make you happy? Have you forgotten all those books, those songs, those movies about happiness being a state of mind? it was YOU. The way YOU felt about everything made you happy, not the people around you. It all came from within, so why the hell is it so hard to reach the mountain top again, all by yourself? What makes you happy? Reading? Shopping? Music? the sunlight? What is that one thing that makes you forget about all the crap in the world? Have you found it yet? Well, do it!
Why do we need other people? What if we loved ourselves the way we think we deserve to be loved? What if the only true happiness is the one we find in ourselves?
I'm tired of being afraid, everyday, because I love everyone much more than I should.
I'm tired of feeling lost.
But until I learn how to keep myself from falling apart, I have someone who will do that for me. And maybe it will be forever, maybe I was wrong. And maybe I'm happy...

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